


Forever Is Not Enough

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief, Married! Jim, Reunion, Revived Jim, sappy sweetness., warp core scene, woe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:05:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7112830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Jim left a wife behind when he entered the warp core?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first posted fanfic on Ao3. I decided to delete, edit, and repost it now that I understand how to format things here. In addition, I wanted to make it clear this is NOT Spirk. There seemed to be some confusion about that the last time. I stand by my Jim/Emily pairing.

Forever Is Not Enough, Pt 1

"I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be. How do you choose not to feel?"

The rasping, pain-filled voice of the dying captain caused a gaping crack in Spock's normally calm demeanor. All he could say was, "I do not know. Right now I am failing." 

A single tear rolled off his face and hit the floor with a plop. Jim Kirk stared at his first officer with mingled bewilderment and compassion, despite the enormous physical pain he was in from the radiation poisoning attacking his body. So Spock really was upset, if he was letting his human side show so much. Too bad they wouldn't get to have that epic friendship Spock From The Future had promised.

As he contemplated sluggishly, there came the sound of running footsteps and a horrified female voice as his favorite engineering lieutenant (who also happened to be his wife of five months) ran into the room, stopping beside Scotty. 

"Jim!" She cried unable to believe what she was seeing. "What is he doing in there?" She hissed to Scotty, "and how in the world did we just stop fall---" she broke off, horror-stricken, as the pieces connected in her mind.

Running forward, Emily Kirk knelt beside Spock in front of the door which blocked her from Jim, but gave her a clear view of her husband's sweaty, pain-wracked, face. 

"Jimmy, you went in there and realigned the core?" she whispered, heartsick at seeing him ghastly pale and hurting. 

"Had to, sweetie," he managed, drinking in the sight of his wife. "Couldn't let you die."

Wow, she was lovely, he thought, even streaked with grease, blood, and now tears. Emily was the best thing that had happened to him, James T. Kirk knew that much. The worst part about dying was leaving his soulmate behind. 

The big brown eyes he loved so much filled with tears as Emily leaned her head against the glass in an effort to be as close to him as possible. He was rapidly declining and she knew she had to speak her heart quickly before his stopped completely. 

"Jim, you promised me forever" she pleaded shakily, choking down a sob.

"It was.....the best forever.....I could've hoped for" he gasped out, shooting her a faint smile. "Sorry it's.....ending this way......I love you, beautiful."

Emily let out a sob as she watched Jim's bruised and bloody face contort in a spasm of agonizing pain. When it subsided somewhat, he turned to the Vulcan again.

"Spock?" He breathed, barely audible now, "I want you to know why I went back for you.....why I couldn't let you die." 

The Commander's voice trembled as he responded, "because you are my friend".

The pain in his voice surprised Emily, who really thought the Vulcan disliked Jim, especially after the dressing down and subsequent demotion of her husband after the Nibiru fiasco. Well, she thought sadly, as the captain weakly raised his hand to match Spock's in the Vulcan salute, what a shame it took this to make them understand their friendship.

"Emily....." Kirk gasped, desperate eyes meeting his wife's. 

Her heart clenched as she heard the unmistakable ugly death rattle in his feeble breaths. This was really it. Jim was going to leave her. 

She gathered her composure to whisper "Yes, Jim?" 

"l.." He choked as his voice gave out and ended up forcing his mouth to move enough to mouth ......love you, baby".

"I love you, too Jimmy. I always will" she whispered tearfully, wishing she could at least hold him one last time. 

Jim tried his best to give her that special smile/smirk she loved so much. His lips twitched upward once.....twice.....then his face relaxed and the life left his eyes as his arm slid limply down the glass. The stillness of his chest confirmed the harsh fact that the captain was gone.

For a few numb moments, Emily sat stunned, barely registering Spock's scream of rage and furious departure to hunt down the man responsible for this nightmare they were living. After a very silent minute, a small beep sounded, signaling the end of the decontamination process. She felt Scotty come forward and lay a hand on her shoulder.

"We can get him out now, lass" he said heavily, "the dear brave idiot. I would have gone in myself, but he knocked me out. I'm sorry I let him get the drop on me."

Emily let out a strangled half laugh, half sob. That action was So Kirk. Leap first, think later. She'd both loved and hated that trait about him. 

With a brief command the door slid open and the two of them carefully dragged the deceased captain out of the deadly chamber.

"Could I have a moment please?" Emily asked, grief surging over her as she clutched Jim's torso in her lap, holding up his head from flopping backwards.

"Of course. I'll... Just go get a medical team" Scotty replied, wiping his eyes as he left the room. 

Emily clasped Jim's body to her heart as the tears fell. She rocked back and forth mourning the man who had held her heart in the palm of his hand and treated her like a rare diamond--proving his reputation had been undeserved.

"Yes, Jimmy, you were very capable of love" she murmured to herself as she wiped away blood from a cut on his temple--likely from that monster Khan beating him up on the Vengeance. 

With trembling hands, she closed the beautiful blue eyes and laid a gentle kiss on each eyelid. He had loved eyelid kissing. It was part of their morning routine---he would kiss her as she grumbled about smashing the alarm and refused to get up. The tears gushed out in a flood as she realized that would never happen again. When the Medical team arrived with the gurney and body bag, she was weeping into Jim's dirty blonde hair. Sometimes, Emily thought numbly, forever is not nearly enough. 

In her haze of shock, she watched them zip her husband into a body bag and secure him (no, it) on a gurney. She'd known when she stood with him that joyous day five months months ago and promised "til death do us part" that there was a high probability of seeing that come true. He was a Kirk, after all. 

But Emily had somehow convinced herself that that wasn't going to happen to HER Kirk. But it had, and the cold bitter truth was staring her straight in the face as the sad procession headed to Medbay, leaving the echoes of a vanished future behind the glass of the tiny chamber in which Jim had died.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily was once again watching the captain and first officer converse. This time, though, there was no glass separating them and Jim was very much alive, hand firmly clasped in Emily's. Considering she had lost him just weeks before, Emily was content to simply drink in the sight of her husband awake and alert, though very weak. 

His eyes crinkled with mirth as Bones went about making sarcastic remarks about zombies and being "barely dead" and his full eyebrows rose to new heights as Uhura related the tale of Spock and Khan's epic battle on the garbage freighter. 

Later, when the crowd of well wishers had departed, he turned his gaze on his wife. "Emily, he said quietly, "Are you okay?" He looked searchingly into her eyes. 

She drew a deep breath and picked up his hand, holding it to her cheek as she gathered her thoughts. 

"I will be, Jimmy, I will be" was whispered shortly. 

His own eyes misted hearing the mingled pain and love in her voice. One of the hardest parts about dying was seeing the anguish written all over her face and knowing he was leaving her alone. He still couldn't believe Bones had dragged him back from the Other Side. But he was very grateful he had such stubborn, loyal friends. 

"I'm sorry I put you through that, baby", he sighed regretfully, "I wish there had been another way, but I couldn't stand the thought of you dying because I got sucked into Marcus's plans." 

"Stop blaming yourself, Jim," Emily sighed, leaning in closer, "Marcus and Khan really knew how to mess with our heads, not to mention the sabotage of the ship. I understand why you did what you did and I love you for your for big, brave, selfless, crazy, heart, but I wanted nothing more than to rip down that glass and die in your arms." She shuddered slightly and kissed his hand rather fiercely before continuing. "I let out most of my anger swearing at you while you were in the coma." 

"I bet you did." Kirk grinned his crooked grin and Emily leaned over and kissed him gently.

"I love your smile," she breathed in his ear before kissing him again, this time much more decisively.

"Remember the first time I kissed you?", he said breathily.

"Very well," Emily whispered back, smiling again at the memory. "We had just escaped the black hole after beating Nero and Scotty sent me up to "get something" because he claimed the comms were down. You grabbed me and planted one on me in front of the entire bridge." Her eyes were filled with mirth. "I was so stunned and so happy to see you alive, I let it happen. You're such a rascal."

Jim smirked triumphantly. "Yep. And you kissed me right back, if I remember correctly." 

Their conversation took a more serious turn then, with Emily describing the damage to San Fransisco and her tumultuous emotions at Admiral Pike's Funeral. 

"I held it together until the end, when they handed his wife the flag. Then I realized it could have--would have-- been you in a coffin too and I started bawling on Scotty again." 

She sniffled slightly, hiding her face in his neck. The reminder of her own brief widowhood had hit hard in the midst of grieving the admiral Jim was closest to. 

"But I'm not in a casket, baby, and I don't intend to be in one for a very, very, long time", Jim whispered reassuringly. He wanted to pull her into a tight hug, but he was frustratingly weak, so he settled for stroking her hair while she regained her control.

"You're lucky you're so cute." She grumbled playfully, sitting up again. "I can never be mad at you for long, even for dying on me." 

As they smiled at each other, Bones made a reappearance. "I hate to interrupt your lovefest, but Jim here needs to sleep. He's had more than enough excitement for his first day awake." He checked Jim's monitors as he spoke, frowning slightly. "And don't give me that pouty face. You know I'm right." 

Emily chuckled at her husband's disgruntled, but sleepy expression.

"Fine, Bones", he huffed tiredly. "I really hate it when you're right" he muttered under his breath. 

"I'll be back tomorrow, Jimmy," Emily assured him, as she stood up. "Now go to sleep, sulky." She leaned down to kiss him on the lips, thoroughly enough to change the frown to a sleepy, blissful smile. 

"Love you, gorgeous", he murmured, closing his eyes.

"Love you, too, Jim" , she responded, then while Bones was not looking, she crept back and placed two gentle kisses on her almost sleeping husband's blessedly warm eyelids. He smiled. 

Emily Kirk's heart sang as she walked out of the hospital into the bright sunlight and a rebuilding city. Thanks to a determined Doctor, an innocent Tribble, and Khan's miracle blood, Jim and Emily had another chance at their forever.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim sat in his hospital bed staring morosely out the window. It was a beautiful summer day, but his thoughts were anything but pretty. San Francisco was heavily damaged, the Enterprise crippled, and thousands of people were dead because he let himself be played by two madmen. 

He kept hearing Pike telling him he would get himself and everyone under him killed, a prediction which Jim had almost fulfilled. Oh, it hurt thinking about his mentor. The man had been a catalyst in turning Jim's life around and he was gone. 

Jim was missing his wife, as well. Emily had been battling the flu so she had stayed away for the past few days to protect his weak immune system. She had been wonderful during Jim's slow, painful, recovery: refusing to let him wallow in endless self-recrimination and guilt. He smiled faintly, remembering her lively imitations of Scotty and Keenser's antics during the massive ongoing repairs to the ship. (Oh, yeah, he really should apologize to Scotty.) 

"Now, Jimmy, why are you so grumpy?" Soft arms wrapped around him from behind. He started at the sound of her sweet voice. "Emily!" he exclaimed, "How did you sneak in here? Are you better now?" He looked her over carefully, searching for signs of illness or fatigue. 

"I'm fine, Jim" she assured him, a mysterious sparkle in her eyes, "As it turns out, it wasn't the flu. No man will catch what I've got." 

Jim stared, a thought slamming into his mind that stunned the captain almost speechless. He took her face in his hands. "Are you....." He trailed off, afraid to say the word out loud. Emily beamed. "Yes, Jim," she said gently, "You're going to be a daddy." 

In his shock, Jim stammered out, "Um, Wow! That's....amazing. I...guess the whole birth control thing wasn't so foolproof as I thought. Are you okay with it? How far along are you?" 

Giggling a bit, Emily put a stop to his ramblings with a finger on his lips. "Yes, Jim. I'm fine with carrying your child. It was going to happen eventually, you know. We both want it. I said the world must be filled with little Kirks, after all. And I'm eleven weeks." 

"But that means you were pregnant when we were fighting Khan." Jim was even more horrified at what happened. "Yes," she acknowledged, "I assumed it was just stress that was making me feel off." Jim groaned. "And I was too obsessed with my anger/rage/revenge issues to notice you weren't feeling well. I'm so sorry, honey." He pulled his wife closer. 

Emily simply kissed him. "Oh, Jimmy. Don't beat yourself up again. You were doing it when I came in. I know that expression. We were both under a lot of strain and I've already forgiven you." She guided his hands to her stomach. "Because of what you did, baby Kirk will grace this world in six months or so." 

"It's a miracle," Kirk breathed, staring in wonder. "That's pretty much what Dr. McCot said," agreed Emily. "Between the stress and the near crash, he said it's quite a wonder the little one wasn't miscarried. But then it is a Kirk, after all." 

"It is, indeed," her husband said, blue eyes misty, yet sparkling with humor. "He or she clearly doesn't believe in no-win scenarios either." He looked deeply into her brown eyes. "Thank you, Emily, for putting up with me." There was deep emotion in his voice: Joy, love, gratitude, and anticipation. "You're welcome, Jim. I love you too much to NOT put up with you." She laid a hand over his revived heart and simply felt it beat, strong and steady, as they began to build a whole new dream.


End file.
